Tried Hard for Everything, Yet Achieving Anything

I collapse... i feel like everything i did these days were wrong. I did a lot of mistakes, making people mad. I tried so hard for everything, yet achieving anything. I'm lacking my read habit, i'm lacking my workout, spending my money. Oh no.... I miss my family. Padahal baru aja dua hari lalu aku terakhir kali barengan sama adikku yang dateng dari Jakarta ke Jogja buat nginep di kosku. I'm so glad you were here, sist. I felt a little bit lonely.

Dan beberapa hari lalu, keluarga Yaya juga ke Jogja, aku ketemu Adit, Talitha, dan Putri buat main bareng di alun-alun kidul Jogja. Malamnya nonton Bumblebee bareng Putri, yang berujung membuatku sakit tenggorokan, karena kedinginan.

Perhaps, i just got tired, physically also mentally, I mean, come on! Aku tetap workout kok sama Putri. Ugh... i overthink something that doesn't needed to think. Aku telat datang ke gerai menjelang tahun baru karena Jogja macet dimana-mana. Dan kena semprot kasir. I know this is our problem, not only my personal problem, but i overthink it.

I'm stressed out, i always easily get stressed out.

Aku seharusnya bicarain tentang buku ini. But, i don't know, writing makes me better.

Satu hal yang sangat aku tangkap tentang buku ini, adalah mengenai pendidikan. I love education. Aku suka sekolah. But i always couldn't blend in with different personalities of its students. Just a tiny circle i made at school. But i always survived, and stay happy and healthy. Kuliah di luar negeri such a though fight. Maksudnya.. aku kuliah di luar kota aja udah sesulit ini. Walau i enjoy it so much. Aku bahkan ambil part time job. Tapi tetap aja... terkadang aku kangen kamarku di rumah. Aku kangen masakan Mama. Because aku gak bisa masak lagi di sini. Bukannya aku gak bisa masak. Bisa, tapi daput di sini itu not in a good condition. Mama at last, have been pushed me to move out, but i just can't, i love this place.

The last day of 2018, my supervisor, said to me "i know that you're actually a smart person, but people always understimate you. Don'nt know because you're trying to hide your cleverness or something. Only you know."

Such a deep conversation.

Di buku ini juga aku bisa membayangkan menjadi seorang Marcella Purnama, dengan personality-nya yang juga gak banyak bergaul. Dan, memenuhi other people decision. You know, you didn't make your own choice. Terkadang aku pun seperti itu, Dan rasanya bener-bener nggak enak driven by people thought.Then i would just want to call my mom, and telling her eveything. It makes me better. She's a good listener.

Within any some occasion, i think to myself, "why can't i reach other people standart? why can't i reach the top, while i have tried very hard to get an achievement? Why can't people see my last heavy breath?' it's not lke i want to be people attention, i only want people to respect me.

Okay, i think that's all.. see you soon.